Sometimes I Am An Stupid

I've crafted an image for myself throughout my life, born out of some chronic confidence deficiency or a pathological need to be liked. It is one of polish and refinement and sophistication. Sometimes I manage to trick people that I am actually polished, refined and sophisticated. Other times I'm not so convincing, and the witnesses get suspicious.

Then sometimes I do things that make it apparent that I am really a total idiot.

Arguing Under False Pretense
As a rule I try to avoid arguments and confrontations. I like to think that by doing so I create a sense of being calm and collected. There are certain things in life, however, that I cannot help but get passionate about. When they are attacked I cannot help but get defensive and irritated. Sometimes, though, I jump the gun and get offended when no offense was meant, and it all goes downhill from there.





Short-term Shower Memory Loss
This has happened more times than I can remember. Fifteen minutes after I've gotten in the shower, I find myself finally ready to get out, but then I realize that I can't remember if I've shampooed my hair or lathered up with body wash. It's a confusing thing. I know in all probability that I have, but still there's that lingering doubt.



I invariably decide that I need to wash everything again.

Run Into EVERYTHING
Nothing has a greater capacity to make you look like an utter moron than running or walking into an object that hasn't moved since its creation, like a lightpost



or a doorjamb



or a random life-sized replica of a dinosaur in the middle of a mall (I almost wet myself).



If you're around other people, there is no way at all to deny that it happened. They saw it. They are probably laughing at you. The best you can do is try to pick up whatever scraps of dignity you can find and go far away. Forever.

Names, Not Remembering
I have atrocious mental faculties dedicated to the remembering of people's names. And not just new people, but people I've known for years and years. It is likely a genetic defect, as I have also observed it in both of my parents, but especially my mother.



Our names aren't even that similar.

Still, never is my own inability to remember names greater than when I am putting someone's contact information into my phone.







Answering Rhetorical Questions

I don't really understand that sometimes when people ask me a question they really don't want an answer. Maybe they're just venting. Maybe they already know the answer. Or maybe they already know I'm an idiot.